Beauty of Slowing Down in 2023

In 2023, we consciously embraced a slower pace, and here's why we recommend adopting it for 2024.

As a goal-oriented couple navigating the realms of career, finance, and business, setting annual targets had become second nature to us. However, this year, amidst the ebb and flow of life, we made a deliberate choice—to savor the moments, find joy, and simply be present.

The first quarter brought anticipation as we awaited news of my husband's career progression. Blessed with the announcement of his well-deserved promotion after two years of dedicated effort, we felt a sense of accomplishment.

Traversing the second to third quarter, we faced the poignant reality of loss—friends' parents, spouses, batchmates, and even siblings departed. These months became a period of collective grieving, prompting us to reevaluate commitments that could strain our health and limit quality time together.

As 2023 concludes, we reflect on the blessing of not having rigid goals. It's as if a premonition guided us to prioritize relationships with family, friends, and each other over career and business demands. The emotional journey through grief and fear has left us profoundly grateful for every moment we've shared.

Choosing to slow down and forego specific goals this year wasn't a flaw; rather, it allowed us to connect with our emotions and those around us. In the tapestry of life, embracing the present is not a sin but a gift to oneself.

Will you slow down on 2024? 

Oras na ba talaga ni Kuya?

We have been aware of Kuya Laleng's condition since November 2018. We are aware na nakapila na sya for operation but due to COVID na-halt ang mga operation sa heart center (if I remember it right). And 2022 November may magandang balita ang kanyang may bahay na di na muna sya isasalang for operation. 

Magandang Balita

September 18, 2023, I am packing our luggages for our upcoming trip when I received a message from Ate Sol, sinugod sa hospital ang Kuya Laleng due to severe backpain. Immediately I video called Ate Sol. 8:38pm Kuya Laleng already asked for a pain reliever which is very unusual sa aming magkakapatid. We have high tolerance of pain. So alam na namin na talagang nasasaktan sya.

We called Ate Abigail, as always, our prayer warriors. Asking for prayers. Ate Abigail and Nika hanged up 2AM and 2:34AM of September 19 I received a message from Ate Sol “Wala na si Kuya”. 

I am shocked. No tears left my eyes. 11:47AM I called Hannah(bunso nila Kuya), wala akong nasabi, iyak lang ako ng iyak. Parang gripo yung mata kong walang tigil ang tulo ng luha. May tanong ako, “Bakit ang unfair naman po? 17 lang si Hannah. 17 years is not enough to spend time with her father.” 

Then nasundan yun ng iba pang mga questions…

• If we extended our family fasting ay madadagdagan ba ang buhay ni Kuya?
• If we continuously pray and pleaded for his condition na pagalingin syang tuluyan ay mapapagbigyan ba kami? 
• Kung nagkaron ba siya ng sapat na pahinga at sumunod sa bawal ng doctor ay magkakita pa ba kami? 
• If he didn’t push his Cebu trip okay pa kaya siya? 
• Talaga bang hanggang dun na lang si Kuya?

September 20, sa eroplano palang nagpipigil na ako umiyak. I arrived at the wake. I can’t fathom why my reaction is to cry… no wailed! I wailed. It seems unreal. Unacceptable. I let my repressed grief flow. But then my composed father hugged me and sabi nya “Wala na tayong magagawa”. 

Lalong masakit pero kailangan ko tumigil umiyak. Tama wala na kaming magagawa pero the question na bakit ang aga mawala ni Kuya still lingers. 

Pero... ang hatol NIYA ay matuwid. Sino ako para magtanong? 

Ngayon, pare-parehas kaming kailangan mag-move on magkakapatid. Lagi kong inaalala ang sabi ni Ate Sol at Kuya Ric, wala ng sakit, wala ng pagod, wala ng problema si Kuya Laleng. On that, ok na ako. Mas okay na siya dun. Mas maginhawa si Kuya dun. 

Don’t worry Kuya Laleng, ipagpapatuloy ko pang-aasar kila Kuya Ric and Ate Sol! Para may spice ang buhay namin dito. I will move on with your memories ng pagpalo mo sa akin at paglinis ng mga langib sa sugat ko. Huhuhu!

Our Last Family Photo (w/o Nanay) 

Life reflections at 40: GENUINELY GRATEFUL!

On my 39 years of existence I am always grateful for all that happened in my life. Good things that I truly enjoyed and bad experiences that served as hard lessons. 

These are my life reflections. Wink-wink. 

Health: My memories are still vivid na karga ako ni Nanay and tumatakbo papunta kay Dr Almazan. It’s clear in my mind nung ang daming tao lagi sa bahay namin because suddenly I can’t stretch my legs and can’t walk. Asthma attacks? Yes I have those until college days. Very flimsy creature ako ano? Haha! 

But now, you can challenge me to walk 20k steps for days. I can do HIIT for 90mins and jog 5KM. I can say that I am healthier than my younger years. But syempre since I am ageing I am taking extra care sa mga buto-buto ko and extra effort to know ang wants and rejections ng katawan ko. 

Money: Dahil natapos na ang una naming goal for HOA mas nakakaluwag na kami ni Abbey ngayon. Dati cut-to-cut, walang malalaking travels..umaasa sa mga pa-contest and freebies para makanood kami ng sine. Lahat yan ay para makaipon, ngayon may kaunting room to wiggle na para sa susunod naming goal and we alloted funds to enjoy life. 

Now we are looking forward to more opportunities where to invest para sa HOW. 

Career: I am thankful to every boss and everyone na nakatrabaho ko. Madami akong natutunan sa inyo. This is my struggle now. Confusion that I need to clear out para sa sarili ko at ikakatahimik ni Abbey. Haha! 

Friendships: Salamat Elite. I realised na mahal talaga namin ang isa’t-isa. Ang problema ng isa ay problema ng lahat. Ang success ng isa ay success naming lahat. 

I am opening up myself for new friendships. Sa mga introverts na tulad ko, nakaka-relate kayo? Ang hirap diba?! Out of the box. Haha. So please bare with me.

Relationship: Dahil wala nga akong trabaho since 2020, 24/7 magkasama kami ni Abbey nung pandemic era. Di kami nag-aaway at ang matindi di kami nag-kakasawaan. Lalong nagkakilanlan at lalong tumibay. Ang cheesy! Hehe.

Family: We lost Nanay and somehow it gave us an emotional turmoil. Hanggang ngayon there’s a longing na sana andyan pa sya. 

But we do not have time to delve in that past, so here we are making new memories with Tatay. 

Selfcare: I have personal battles that I know I have won. The key thing for this is to know what triggers it.

Knowing yourself is not an easy job. There are lies you are telling to yourself that became your truth. Accepting my flaws, limitations and when to stop the fight is the best thing I have learned before hitting 40.

Spirituality: I am always sticking in my beliefs and glad that Abbey never bypassed those. 

Well that’s my life before 40. It is playful, painful, crazy, daunting, euphoric and hopeful life! 

Happy 40 sa aking mga ka-1983! Let’s all welcome our 40 with a grateful and blessed heart and mind! Kaya natin ito!

It’s NOT okay that I am NOT okay! - - Sense of UNDERSTANDING(Part 2)

In years of pursuit for our self-improvement or personal development, I should know the reason of my episode of depression right? WRONG

From 2017, Abbey and I keep thinking and digging from time to time but we always faced the same roadblock. Aspects that were presented do not make sense what could be the main cause of that deep and pitless darkness.

In 2021, I volunteered to be the data analyst of Peak Resonance, a coaching company for personal, career, relationship or I just say life development as a whole. In return for my researches they offered free sessions with the coaches. But I pride myself that I know I do not need a coach because I know myself more than anyone else and I have Abbey to check on me too. RIGHT? Hmmm, well AGAIN IT IS WRONG!

One casual day, while Jovan (one of Peak Resonance founder) is talking about our research material, the subject of my 2017 loneliness was brought up. He asked only three questions and from that time the burden on looking for its cause was lifted off from my shoulder and Abbey’s.

Now I know why executives, why ranking officials, why people are turning to licensed coaches for answers..for guidance..for deeper self connections. Indeed they were trained to ask questions for you to befriend and master your trigger points, they have tools that explain your characters and emotions, they will mold you in a person that you want to be.

I am truly forever grateful with Jovan and I know ALMIGHTY moved because it is time for me to know the reason of my depression and for me to avoid those trigger points specially in this UNCERTAIN COVID times.

Now I am absolutely rooting for this kind of interference. Coaching will save you time in figuring things out and will definitely help you to ease up everything in your subconscious mind.

***

Peak Resonance

(W) https://peak-resonance.com

(E) contact@peak-resonance.com

(T) +65 9694 7320

It’s NOT okay that I am NOT okay! -- Succumbed in a Great Sadness (Part 1)

I am sad. Bakit? Hindi ko alam! 

I do not have time to talk to others. Why? Because there’s a voice inside na walang tigil akong sinasabihan na dapat akong maging malungkot, na wala akong karapatan maging masaya. 

It is a battle inside. And hanggang ngayon naalala ko ang pain. No! Actually it is not only pain. It is a sorrowful feeling of very deep loneliness na hindi ko alam saan nanggagaling. If you have felt heartbreak, that week of misery is worse than that. It felt like my ownself is tearing me apart. Pinupunit ang puso ko. 

I tried to reach out for help from my sister and sister-in-law and they gave me words of wisdom that made me realize better things pero the enemy inside of me is stronger. (D@mn! I am now in a bus writing this and I am crying silently). 

Kailan nangyari ito? That was 2017. The feelings still seems fresh everytime I am looking back. 

One week I never talked to my husband. I wake up, go to office, go home, eat dinner and sleep. I am cold as damn Antartica. I pity him. Kasi alam ko wala naman sya kasalanan pero nadadamay sya sa nangyayari sa akin. I know I make Abbey sad too pero that time wala akong pakialam sa nararamdaman nya. But he continues to cook for me, arrange my baon and waiting for me to come back.

I am grumpy too sa office kasi ayaw ko nga na may kakausap sa akin. Nakakatitig lang ako lagi sa monitor that time. My friends do not know about it. Ayaw ko nga kasi ng kausap. Talagang si Ate Sol and Ate Precy lang ang sinabihan ko nun. Isang tawag lang. Pero that call seems my enemy became more agitated and pushed me harder to the point na yung mga positive words and insights galing sa mga ate is now turning against me.

I do not have time to pray. The voice insisted I am not worthy to pray. Not worthy of anything good in this Earth and in Heaven.

All I know, one afternoon I decided to stop believing sa mga naririnig ko. That I need to go out of the cocoon of misery. That same day, I send SMS to Abbey for the first time after a week to pick me up from the office.

The best thing my husband did that time was to support me. He kept his silence, never asked questions. Nag-sorry and I thank him for all the understanding. 

Is that depression? I do not know. Basta isang araw nagising lang ako and I was succumbed in a great sadness..in darkness.. It is not okay that I am not okay. Kasi hindi lang sarili ko nasasaktan pati mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. 

2014: On HIS Grace

Me: Why is your face like that?
Colleague: Because I am sad.
Me: Why are you sad?
Colleague: You know, sometimes you will wake up and feel unhappy.
Me: Why?
Colleague: Don't tell me it didn't happened to you before.
Me: It happens to me. But not a lot. And whenever it occurs, I asked my husband to sing. Oh! I'll call my husband, I will ask him to sing for you.

Then she smiled. And every time I see her she always tells me that she's happy and no need to call my hubby. Haha.

*******

This 2014 many hurdles were set on our way. We were tested financially, emotionally and our trust to ALMIGHTY.

Some were the events that can break me and my husband but we chose to cling more to each other and jumped together these hurdles.

--> This year my mother-in-law won her battle with cancer. No more pain, she's in the hands of the LORD.

You can see how wrecked he is inside. He still hopes for her to heal but all the medical facts shows the opposite. "Do you have any regrets that's why you can't let her go", I asked Abbey. He replied back "No". Then after that he woke up from reality that we need to accept the fact about Mama's case. Abbey flew back and forth to Manila to spend more time with Mama. We Skype-d, call and sms Mama everyday. We want her to feel how much we love her. We always asked her "Mama love mo kami? Hanggang saan? Proud ka ba sa amin?" She will answer back with a snobbish tone. Malamanng nakukulitan na yun sa amin. Haha! 

My mother-in-law proved how easy to deal with this infamous disease if you all give all your worries to HIM.

--> My father hit by a mild stroke and this made our family bond stronger. Every family member had done their part. My sister and Kuya Laleng gave their time to be with father while he is on ICU and Kuya Ric took care of the medical bill through the help of Philhealth. Me? I flew back home to clean my dad's 4-storey house. Haha! Mission accomplished.

--> ALMIGHTY's grace shone on us again when the lymphoma of my sister-in-law was detected in an early stage. HE again proved that HE owns the richness in this world. From first session up to the eighth, Ate Rizbeth's chemotherapy was finished. THE ALMIGHTY provided it with no hesitation.

Blessings poured to Ate Riz. From siblings, relatives, churchmates, friends, government organizations and even private companies helped financially. "Kahit kailan ang DIOS ko ay hindi nagkulang". 

Despite of her condition, Abbey and I got a good chance to spend with Ate Rizbeth and her family here in Singapore not only once but twice!!! :)

--> My grandmother passed away. I am happy. All sufferings were done and she left wonderful memories for me to reminisce.

The day that I went to visit her and she asked if she can have my earrings. When I handed the pair of gold to her she eyed for my ring. I refused to give it to her. Why? "Lola, wedding ring po namin ito ni Abbey." She looked to my husband and gave a hilarious laugh. Haha! Everytime I phoned Lola, she always say a simple "Salamat sa lahat. Buti ka pa di mo ako nalilimutan". (Shocks I wanna cry).

I do not regret anything as I know I have done and gave the best I could as her granddaughter. And I know she is proud of me and my husband.

Happiness is a choice as also your sadness. You can't totally avoid problems to come your way but you can choose the problem to be a blessing rather an obstacle.

Everything happens for a reason and I hope this post help you to see more light than darkness in every challenge we encountered.

Choose to be happy. 

My Wish Came True

I have seen few countries here in Asia and I am very awed on the their differences. I think back then when can my siblings experience what I have felt being a tourist in a foreign land.

So when I landed a job, married and pretty stable, Abbey and I planned to bring all our siblings to be a tourist here in Singapore... for free.

Usapan namin, each year one kapatid plus one, its up to them who they will choose. That will be an all-expense paid, I will be in-charge in all even for their pasalubongs for our parents and other siblings. Personal things and pasalubong to other people, that one they must bear.

Before they go here, I asked them what are the main sights they want to see or events they want to attend, well, this proved that we, every child of my parents, have different interests in life. Read on and see for yourself, haha! 

My first visitors: Ate Sol and Baste. This is the luckiest pair, why?, because I do not have work back then, so I am with them, see how lucky they were! Haha! 3 days in total of jam-packed schedule. 

They experience The Flyer, Night Safari, Universal Studios, Fountain of Wealth, of course the Merlion Park, Orchard Road, The Marina Bay SkyPark and The Songs of the Sea.

Second: Our eldest, Kuya Ric with his only son Joshua P. Mangila, (buong-buo diba?) haha! As per request, Kuya want to stay for a week.. granted! He wants to see the parks, granted! So they visited to Istana and Jurong Bird Park, MacRitchie Reservoir, My Waterways @ Punggol, Punggol Promenade, Sengkang Sports & Recreation Centre, Punggol Reservoir, Marina Barrage, Mt. Faber National Park. 

We even went out Singapore to see Melaka Malaysia, Singapore Flyer and  got the chance to visit the Singapore's National Library. They ate at Lau Pa Sat. They also have the opportunity to buy our weekly grocery at Sheng Siong. One day of USS, saw a movie at the newly built JCube back then, and visited IKEA.

The last but not the least, Kuya Laleng with his wife. F1 race even outside the fence was all he wants. He told me he just like to hear the revving engines, well, his wish was given to him and upgraded it to BayStand ticket. 

They saw the Singapore Botanic Gardens, Bukit Batok Nature Park, a tour at Marina Barrage, they check-out the Ulu Pandan Connector Park, experienced the Gogreen Segway Eco Adventure, we raced on Luge and went up, up and away with Skyride. 

They walked at Marina Bay Sands The Shoppes and even experienced a free movie premiere of The Rush. They dined at hawkers and had a lunch buffet at Bay Hotel.

Actually, this is my wish... my wish for my siblings. Wish that came true. I am so thankful to The Almighty One for giving me this opportunity to share the blessings with my siblings! 

Love you mga Kuya and Ate ko!