How Would You React to Someone Who Chooses Not to Have Children?

 Choosing Child-Free: Our Personal Journey

For over a decade of marriage, Abbey and I have often faced the persistent question: "Mag-anak kayo kahit isa (Get a child — even one)." This question is usually followed by insinuations and assumptions. People have speculated if one of us is infertile. We've even had close relatives bluntly accuse us of being selfish for not having children. The judgment we face is relentless and painful.

When Abbey and I started dating, we never discussed having children. Unlike other couples who have names picked out and a magic number of kids planned, we simply enjoyed our time together without considering parenthood. It wasn't until our first month of marriage that Abbey broached the topic. To our immense relief, we discovered we both felt the same way: we didn’t want kids. Not because of any medical issues or external pressures, but simply because we didn't want to.

As time went on, we reflected more deeply on our decision to remain child-free and unearthed several profound reasons:

1. The Immense Responsibility: Bringing a child into the world is not a casual decision. It involves a lifelong commitment to teaching, feeding, and guiding them. Raising a good human being is a significant responsibility, one that Abbey and I do not feel prepared to undertake. We recognize the weight of this responsibility and have chosen to respect it by not having children.

2. Different Upbringing and Modern Challenges: I was raised in a different environment, and the behavior of children today often highlights a cultural shift that is difficult for us to navigate. The idea of raising a child in today's world, with its unique challenges and stresses, is daunting and overwhelming for us as a couple.

3. Financial Considerations: In today's world, raising children is significantly more expensive than in previous decades. The financial burden of providing for a child's education, healthcare, and general well-being is a commitment we are not prepared to make. Abbey and I are financially conscious and have chosen to allocate our resources differently.

Beyond these reasons, there is a personal aspect that is often overlooked by those who judge us. Abbey and I cherish our time together deeply. We thrive in each other’s company, and our days are filled with joy and fulfillment. The idea of adding a child into this mix, with all the responsibilities and sacrifices it entails, doesn't align with the life we envision for ourselves.

It's heartbreaking to be judged so harshly for our personal choice. People often fail to understand that our decision is not a reflection of our capability to love or our potential as parents. Instead, it's a conscious and thoughtful decision based on our values, our relationship, and our vision for our life together.

We do not discourage others from having children. We recognize and respect the joys and challenges of parenthood. However, for us, being child-free is the right choice. Abbey and I are living the life we desire, one filled with love, laughter, and mutual respect. 

We hope that one day, society will become more aware of the diverse paths people choose, leading to greater understanding and respect for all decisions, including our choice to be child-free.