How Would You React to Someone Who Chooses Not to Have Children?

 Choosing Child-Free: Our Personal Journey

For over a decade of marriage, Abbey and I have often faced the persistent question: "Mag-anak kayo kahit isa (Get a child — even one)." This question is usually followed by insinuations and assumptions. People have speculated if one of us is infertile. We've even had close relatives bluntly accuse us of being selfish for not having children. The judgment we face is relentless and painful.

When Abbey and I started dating, we never discussed having children. Unlike other couples who have names picked out and a magic number of kids planned, we simply enjoyed our time together without considering parenthood. It wasn't until our first month of marriage that Abbey broached the topic. To our immense relief, we discovered we both felt the same way: we didn’t want kids. Not because of any medical issues or external pressures, but simply because we didn't want to.

As time went on, we reflected more deeply on our decision to remain child-free and unearthed several profound reasons:

1. The Immense Responsibility: Bringing a child into the world is not a casual decision. It involves a lifelong commitment to teaching, feeding, and guiding them. Raising a good human being is a significant responsibility, one that Abbey and I do not feel prepared to undertake. We recognize the weight of this responsibility and have chosen to respect it by not having children.

2. Different Upbringing and Modern Challenges: I was raised in a different environment, and the behavior of children today often highlights a cultural shift that is difficult for us to navigate. The idea of raising a child in today's world, with its unique challenges and stresses, is daunting and overwhelming for us as a couple.

3. Financial Considerations: In today's world, raising children is significantly more expensive than in previous decades. The financial burden of providing for a child's education, healthcare, and general well-being is a commitment we are not prepared to make. Abbey and I are financially conscious and have chosen to allocate our resources differently.

Beyond these reasons, there is a personal aspect that is often overlooked by those who judge us. Abbey and I cherish our time together deeply. We thrive in each other’s company, and our days are filled with joy and fulfillment. The idea of adding a child into this mix, with all the responsibilities and sacrifices it entails, doesn't align with the life we envision for ourselves.

It's heartbreaking to be judged so harshly for our personal choice. People often fail to understand that our decision is not a reflection of our capability to love or our potential as parents. Instead, it's a conscious and thoughtful decision based on our values, our relationship, and our vision for our life together.

We do not discourage others from having children. We recognize and respect the joys and challenges of parenthood. However, for us, being child-free is the right choice. Abbey and I are living the life we desire, one filled with love, laughter, and mutual respect. 

We hope that one day, society will become more aware of the diverse paths people choose, leading to greater understanding and respect for all decisions, including our choice to be child-free.

My Wish Came True

I have seen few countries here in Asia and I am very awed on the their differences. I think back then when can my siblings experience what I have felt being a tourist in a foreign land.

So when I landed a job, married and pretty stable, Abbey and I planned to bring all our siblings to be a tourist here in Singapore... for free.

Usapan namin, each year one kapatid plus one, its up to them who they will choose. That will be an all-expense paid, I will be in-charge in all even for their pasalubongs for our parents and other siblings. Personal things and pasalubong to other people, that one they must bear.

Before they go here, I asked them what are the main sights they want to see or events they want to attend, well, this proved that we, every child of my parents, have different interests in life. Read on and see for yourself, haha! 

My first visitors: Ate Sol and Baste. This is the luckiest pair, why?, because I do not have work back then, so I am with them, see how lucky they were! Haha! 3 days in total of jam-packed schedule. 

They experience The Flyer, Night Safari, Universal Studios, Fountain of Wealth, of course the Merlion Park, Orchard Road, The Marina Bay SkyPark and The Songs of the Sea.

Second: Our eldest, Kuya Ric with his only son Joshua P. Mangila, (buong-buo diba?) haha! As per request, Kuya want to stay for a week.. granted! He wants to see the parks, granted! So they visited to Istana and Jurong Bird Park, MacRitchie Reservoir, My Waterways @ Punggol, Punggol Promenade, Sengkang Sports & Recreation Centre, Punggol Reservoir, Marina Barrage, Mt. Faber National Park. 

We even went out Singapore to see Melaka Malaysia, Singapore Flyer and  got the chance to visit the Singapore's National Library. They ate at Lau Pa Sat. They also have the opportunity to buy our weekly grocery at Sheng Siong. One day of USS, saw a movie at the newly built JCube back then, and visited IKEA.

The last but not the least, Kuya Laleng with his wife. F1 race even outside the fence was all he wants. He told me he just like to hear the revving engines, well, his wish was given to him and upgraded it to BayStand ticket. 

They saw the Singapore Botanic Gardens, Bukit Batok Nature Park, a tour at Marina Barrage, they check-out the Ulu Pandan Connector Park, experienced the Gogreen Segway Eco Adventure, we raced on Luge and went up, up and away with Skyride. 

They walked at Marina Bay Sands The Shoppes and even experienced a free movie premiere of The Rush. They dined at hawkers and had a lunch buffet at Bay Hotel.

Actually, this is my wish... my wish for my siblings. Wish that came true. I am so thankful to The Almighty One for giving me this opportunity to share the blessings with my siblings! 

Love you mga Kuya and Ate ko!