It’s NOT okay that I am NOT okay! - - Sense of UNDERSTANDING(Part 2)

In years of pursuit for our self-improvement or personal development, I should know the reason of my episode of depression right? WRONG

From 2017, Abbey and I keep thinking and digging from time to time but we always faced the same roadblock. Aspects that were presented do not make sense what could be the main cause of that deep and pitless darkness.

In 2021, I volunteered to be the data analyst of Peak Resonance, a coaching company for personal, career, relationship or I just say life development as a whole. In return for my researches they offered free sessions with the coaches. But I pride myself that I know I do not need a coach because I know myself more than anyone else and I have Abbey to check on me too. RIGHT? Hmmm, well AGAIN IT IS WRONG!

One casual day, while Jovan (one of Peak Resonance founder) is talking about our research material, the subject of my 2017 loneliness was brought up. He asked only three questions and from that time the burden on looking for its cause was lifted off from my shoulder and Abbey’s.

Now I know why executives, why ranking officials, why people are turning to licensed coaches for answers..for guidance..for deeper self connections. Indeed they were trained to ask questions for you to befriend and master your trigger points, they have tools that explain your characters and emotions, they will mold you in a person that you want to be.

I am truly forever grateful with Jovan and I know ALMIGHTY moved because it is time for me to know the reason of my depression and for me to avoid those trigger points specially in this UNCERTAIN COVID times.

Now I am absolutely rooting for this kind of interference. Coaching will save you time in figuring things out and will definitely help you to ease up everything in your subconscious mind.

***

Peak Resonance

(W) https://peak-resonance.com

(E) contact@peak-resonance.com

(T) +65 9694 7320

Completed Project SPARTA's Data Analyst Pathway -- Now what?

I recently finished one of the campaigns of Philippines’ Department of Science and Technology Big 21 in 2021.. Project SPARTA. 

Project SPARTA is a Philippine initiative in response to APEC’s goal on human development Project DARE (Data Analytics Raising Employment) to produce globally competitive analytics professionals. 
Project SPARTA introduced six (6) pathways and after a year I completed and received my certificate as Data Analyst. 

What have I learned? If you will visit my previous blogs you will see that I am enjoying researching, data visualization and presentation. 

Since I am a fresh graduate of the pathway, I am now volunteering some of my time to help Peak Resonance in wrangling and analysing their available data, also had done researches and now collecting new data to identify data-driven solutions for the firm. 

Will I stop from there? Of course not. I am still eyeing to serve logistics companies. Cargoes, import, export, by sea, by air, by train. My first love. To be finally a LOGISTICS ANALYST. 

It’s NOT okay that I am NOT okay! -- Succumbed in a Great Sadness (Part 1)

I am sad. Bakit? Hindi ko alam! 

I do not have time to talk to others. Why? Because there’s a voice inside na walang tigil akong sinasabihan na dapat akong maging malungkot, na wala akong karapatan maging masaya. 

It is a battle inside. And hanggang ngayon naalala ko ang pain. No! Actually it is not only pain. It is a sorrowful feeling of very deep loneliness na hindi ko alam saan nanggagaling. If you have felt heartbreak, that week of misery is worse than that. It felt like my ownself is tearing me apart. Pinupunit ang puso ko. 

I tried to reach out for help from my sister and sister-in-law and they gave me words of wisdom that made me realize better things pero the enemy inside of me is stronger. (D@mn! I am now in a bus writing this and I am crying silently). 

Kailan nangyari ito? That was 2017. The feelings still seems fresh everytime I am looking back. 

One week I never talked to my husband. I wake up, go to office, go home, eat dinner and sleep. I am cold as damn Antartica. I pity him. Kasi alam ko wala naman sya kasalanan pero nadadamay sya sa nangyayari sa akin. I know I make Abbey sad too pero that time wala akong pakialam sa nararamdaman nya. But he continues to cook for me, arrange my baon and waiting for me to come back.

I am grumpy too sa office kasi ayaw ko nga na may kakausap sa akin. Nakakatitig lang ako lagi sa monitor that time. My friends do not know about it. Ayaw ko nga kasi ng kausap. Talagang si Ate Sol and Ate Precy lang ang sinabihan ko nun. Isang tawag lang. Pero that call seems my enemy became more agitated and pushed me harder to the point na yung mga positive words and insights galing sa mga ate is now turning against me.

I do not have time to pray. The voice insisted I am not worthy to pray. Not worthy of anything good in this Earth and in Heaven.

All I know, one afternoon I decided to stop believing sa mga naririnig ko. That I need to go out of the cocoon of misery. That same day, I send SMS to Abbey for the first time after a week to pick me up from the office.

The best thing my husband did that time was to support me. He kept his silence, never asked questions. Nag-sorry and I thank him for all the understanding. 

Is that depression? I do not know. Basta isang araw nagising lang ako and I was succumbed in a great sadness..in darkness.. It is not okay that I am not okay. Kasi hindi lang sarili ko nasasaktan pati mga taong nakapaligid sa akin.