Let Me LOVE You A Little More!

Nanay's air-conditioned room. 

1:52 AM (24 June 2018) and my Nanay is still awake. Murmuring words that I cannot understand. Crying but I do not know where the pain is coming from. I held her hand, arranged her foot pillow and rubbed my palm on her head to pacify her. But those actions brought no difference. 

While looking at her, I can't help but cry. All the memories flashed back onto me. 

All the happy memories and the lessons I have learnt from her. How she helped people and her "pusong mamon" to "pusong bato" moment. I remembered the time my father carried me and Nanay was running in the middle of the night to go to my "suking" doctor. 

While staring at her hand, I asked her, "Nanay, ilang milyon binilang ng kamay na ito?". She just stared at me. But all I can do is cry. The next statement blurted from my mouth are words of gratefulness. "Nanay, salamat po sa lahat ng pagod mo sa akin. Salamat sa lahat ng pasenya at pagmamahal. Salamat sa lahat pag-aalaga. Nay, kulang pa ang ginagawa ko ngayon para mapantayan lahat ng pagod mo para sa amin na pamilya mo."

Last few nights, every move she makes, made me jumped out of my bed just to check her. I always have a “heart attack”. But I do not mind. I told myself, this is my time to watch you sleep. Watch you snore and keep on check if your diaper is full or not. This is my only time to return the favor, but sometimes I felt that it is not enough. 

Alzheimer's is a painful disease not only for the patient but also to the children specially for the spouse. Be careful with your brain. They need proper rest and nutrition. 

Just now, I turned off the light and waiting and hoping that this action will make her feel sleepy or better. 

... Around 3AM she fell asleep.